Pastures of Faith Read online

  “Ach, vell,” he stumbled over his words. “I reckon I’m asking you then, Rachel.”

  And then he heard it, the lightness of her laugh, so sweet and happy. She pressed her hand against his arm and leaned against him. In the weeks that she had been staying at the farm, he had only heard the music of her laugh a handful of times. This time, with the warmth of her hand pressed against his arm, the sound of her happiness touched him in a way that he couldn’t explain. “I’m mighty glad that you are, Daniel.”

  They rode the rest of the way back to the farm in silence but it was a silence that spoke volumes of the promise ahead of them.

  Chapter Ten

  The warm summer months brought about a change to the Lapp farm. Everyone noticed it, even if it hadn’t been hard to see. Suddenly, Daniel found reasons to stop by to visit with his brother and his wife during the evening hours, often just before the supper meal was served. At first, it was just one or two evenings a week but, eventually, it became a nightly occurrence. When he walked up the porch stairs, his boots announcing his presence, Lillian would smile to herself as she quietly stole to the cabinet for an extra place setting, not even asking as she put it on the table next to Rachel’s plate.

  Rachel noticed the change in Daniel, too. When she had first arrived, he hadn’t paid too much attention to her. Now, he seemed to hang onto her every word. He would find a way to ask her about her day and, as she told a story or two about her adventures with the children, he would laugh with her, his eyes sparkling. The change was certainly welcomed by Rachel. If his distance had upset her at the beginning of her stay, his friendship was a surprising and pleasant shift.

  When she thought back over the past few weeks, she tried to identify the exact moment that his indifference had shifted to interest. But she wasn’t able to pinpoint it. Back in Ohio, she had never been the focus of a young man’s attention. Indeed, the summer she had turned sixteen had been the summer of her mother’s death. Her rumspringa had stopped before it had officially started. After her mother died, the community seemed to hold her at arm’s length, afraid of her fragility, which had only seemed to increase rather than improve with time.

  Yes, the past two years had been difficult. Back in Ohio, the memories had been too close and strong for Rachel to heal. But here, out in Lancaster County, she had learned to release those memories and start to live once again. The sun shone brightly, the crops grew tall, and the flower bloomed in pretty shades of reds, pinks, and purples. And, when she saw Daniel wave to her as he passed her in the yard when she hung the laundry or weeded the garden, she felt a new sense of purpose. His smile would cause her heart to flutter and his presence caused her pulse to quicken. The heat of the summer was nothing compared to the flush that covered her cheeks when he was near.

  She was weeding the flowerbed in front of the house, thinking back to all of the changes in her life. She smiled to herself, recalling the time they spent together after supper just the previous night. The children had been put to bed and Lillian had pulled out an old, tattered version of Sorry! the board game. Even Junior had joined in, upping the game into that of survival of the fittest. Everyone’s pawn was fair game to send back to the starting point. Only Daniel refused to send Rachel’s red pawn back to the home base. Junior quickly picked up on the fact that any opportunity to capture her was overlooked by Daniel and commented on it.

  “Seems to me there’s a red pawn there that is just calling out to be sent home on your dice roll, Daniel.”

  Daniel had appeared to be looking over the board. “Really?”

  “Ja,” Junior had teased. “Right by the green slide over there on the far side.”

  “Humph,” Daniel had replied, looking genuinely perplexed. “I just don’t see it. Reckon I’ll move my pawn over here, instead.”

  The color flooded Rachel’s cheeks, too aware that Daniel was cheating in order to help her. But, when her turn came around, she hadn’t hesitated to take her red pawn and send Daniel’s yellow pawn back to the starting circle. He had gasped and looked up at her, an expression of complete disbelief on his face. She bit her lower lip and lifted her shoulders in apology. “Sorry?”

  Lillian and Junior had burst out laughing and even Daniel had to smile. Under the table, he reached for her hand, gently squeezing it once and letting his touch linger, just for a moment, to let her know that it was all in good fun.

  Remembering the good fun they had shared and the warmth of his hand holding hers under the table sent a warm shiver down her spine. She shut her eyes, just for a moment, as she pretended he was still holding her hand. Whenever she was around him, she felt safe and protected. It was becoming easier to relax and just enjoy life once again. But this time, she realized, she was enjoying life because of the way that Daniel made her feel. And, even more important, she knew that she liked that feeling.

  It was later that day, after the noon meal, that she saw him again. Rachel was in the kitchen, cleaning up from dinner. She had heard the door open and felt his presence in the room before she actually knew it was him. When she glanced over her shoulder and saw him standing there in the doorway, she smiled. “Daniel!”

  He smiled back, quickly looking around the room and, when he realized that they were alone, he hurried over to where she stood by the counter. “Mamm asked me to go to market later today,” he whispered to her as she washed some dishes in Lillian’s sink.

  “Ja?” Rachel replied, feigning innocence over the true, unspoken question.

  He seemed to shuffle his feet as he leaned against the counter. He was standing close to her, close enough that anyone who walked into the room would have known that they were a couple. But most of the family already had that idea firmly planted in their heads. “Thought you might want to ride along.” He reached over and gently ran his hand down her arm, pausing just momentarily to let his fingers brush the back of her hand.

  She tried to hide her smile but couldn’t. “Ride along? You afraid you might get lost, then?”

  Her gentle teasing did not go unnoticed and he leaned forward, nudging her arm in response. “I’ll be lost alright,” he said quietly, his voice deep and low. “If I am alone, that is.”

  Lifting her eyes to look at him, she felt something electric pass between them. His blue eyes stared at her and, for the longest moment, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his. It was unsettling and exciting at the same time. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to look away as she set the kitchen towel over the edge of the sink so that it could dry. “Vell, can’t have you wandering around the back roads, I imagine. Seeing that I know them so well and all,” she joked lightly.

  Once again, their eyes met and, for the moment that he held her gaze, she felt a flash through her body and she shuddered, ever so slightly. This friendship, she realized, was very special. She could tell that the changing tides of their relationship were strong and it dawned on her that she was looking forward to spending as much time with this man as she could. When they were apart, she often found herself peeking out the windows to see if he was in the barnyard or if she could see him in the fields. If Lillian caught her near the door, gazing outside, Rachel would blush and hurry back inside to finish some meaningless task. But now, as he stood before her, she felt more alive than she had in years. Quickly, before she appeared too forward, for he had already accused her of that once, she diverted her gaze and took a step backward.

  “Best get back to the chores at hand, then,” she mumbled and turned away. But she felt something on her arm, a pull that held her back. Glancing down, she was surprised to see Daniel’s hand touching her skin again, only this time, he let his hand linger and then, he pulled her around and closer to him. “Daniel?” she said softly, lifting her eyes up to meet his again. She wasn’t used to being held by a man. Yet, she found that the power of his hand on her arm and the pressure of him pulling her close to him sent shivers down her spine. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling at all. “What is it?”

  He leaned
forward, closing the space between them before hesitating. His closeness overtook her and she felt drawn toward him. Just being in his presence made her feel light on her toes and caused butterflies in her stomach. And, as he leaned closer, for just a moment, she thought that he was going to lean down, perhaps press her against him or, even worse, kiss her. That moment of hesitation was enough for her to move backward, reopening the gap.

  He shook his head, as though clearing his mind, and quickly released her arm. “I’m sorry, Rachel. I didn’t mean…” He didn’t complete the sentence, leaving the unspoken words dangling in midair. “It’s just that…”

  She waited for him to explain but the words didn’t come. Instead, the pause lingered. Her throat felt dry as she whispered, “It’s just what, Daniel?”

  He straightened his back and cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. “You’ve changed, Rachel.”

  “Changed?”

  “You’re different. Different than when you first came here.”

  She smiled, relaxing as the conversation turned away from the dangerous place she thought he was taking it. “That’s not so, Daniel. I’m just more comfortable, I reckon.” But even she knew that wasn’t entirely true. She also didn’t want to point out that Daniel, too, had changed. The obvious need not have attention called to it, she thought. “Now, let me get back to my chores if you still want my company going to market later.”

  The afternoon didn’t pass quick enough for Rachel. She found herself distracted as her mind wandered back to the look in Daniel’s face and the feeling that tingled throughout her body when he had stood near her. Without having any close-age sisters, Rachel had never had anyone to talk to at home. Most of her brothers had been married with their own children long before Rachel had reached an age when she would have confided in their wives. And, of course, her brothers hadn’t paid much mind to their younger sister. It wasn’t their place to educate her on relationships or courting. But Rachel knew enough to understand what was happening between her and Daniel. She also knew that the idea of courting Daniel did not frighten her. There was something about Daniel Lapp and the way his blue eyes sparkled at her that warmed her very soul.

  It was close to three-thirty when she saw him hitching up his Morgan to the grey-topped buggy. Since it was during the week and to be used for an errand, there was no need to use the courting buggy. Rachel didn’t mind. The privacy of the closed-topped buggy suited her fine, especially since it would keep the sun from beating down on them as they drove to the market. It also would keep prying eyes from seeing them and that would insure wagging tongues would lie dormant.

  “Headed to market,” Rachel said to Lillian as she emerged from the back room after having changed the baby’s diaper. “Anything you need?”

  Lillian smiled, knowing that she didn’t really need anything but also knowing that it would make the errand more worthwhile if Rachel could buy something for the house. “Ja, gut! Flour and sugar are running low. Maybe some molasses for a shoo fly pie. Haven’t made one in a while and the children sure do like that.”

  With her list in hand, Rachel hurried outside to the buggy. She stood in the shade of a tree, watching Daniel straightening the harness and checking the buggy wheels before he turned as though to walk to the house to retrieve her. When he saw her standing there, he smiled and stopped in mid-step. “Was just coming to get you.”

  “Lillian gave me a list of things to get, too.”

  He nodded and waited for her to come to the side of the buggy. With his hand on her elbow, he helped her climb into the buggy before he jumped up after her and shut the buggy door. He slapped the reins on the horse’s back, clicking his tongue to get her moving. As the buggy lurched forward, the wheels rattling on the driveway, Rachel leaned against him but quickly straightened herself against the seat.

  “Time soon for the second hay cutting,” he said, more to break the silence than for any other reason.

  “You like working the fields, then, ja?” she asked in response.

  He nodded. “Nothing like a good day in the fields.” He glanced at her. “I like seeing the sun rise over the hill as I’m following those mules with the cutter. It’s like watching the world wake up under God’s eye. And, when the sun begins to set and I’m still out there, I feel like He has been taking care of me all day and is pleased with my day’s labor.”

  Rachel raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t presume to know what God thinks or feels.”

  “Nor would I. But it is a feeling that I get.”

  “Sounds prideful,” she whispered not unkindly.

  He sighed. “Maybe so, Rachel. I’ll have to ponder that, I reckon.”

  “Reckon it’s no different than how I feel after I finish helping Lillian with the house chores and caring for those children,” she quickly added, not wanting him to think that she was criticizing him. “Mayhaps it isn’t so bad to feel good about what we do, especially when we serve Him by caring for others.”

  “Well said,” Daniel commented. “You have a good handle on the faith, Rachel.”

  She blushed. “No more than anyone else.”

  He glanced at her. “You take your baptism in Ohio, yet?”

  “Oh no,” she said.

  “You intend to?”

  This time, she frowned. She wasn’t certain exactly what he was asking. Did he mean was she going to be baptized in Ohio or was he asking if she intended to be baptized at all? She had never known anyone to not accept the Lord through baptism. But she also knew that Daniel’s brother Emanuel and sister Sylvia had married outside the faith prior to finally joining the church with their Englischer spouses. “Of course!” she finally replied. “I took my instructional last year but I just wasn’t ready to take the kneeling vow.”

  He nodded, his eyes kept forward as the buggy rolled to a stop sign at a crossroads. “Me, too. I took my instructional the year past but I didn’t see much sense in joining. Not just yet.” A car passed in front of them.

  “Why not yet?” she asked.

  He shrugged, not quite certain how to answer. Baptism was typically taken when the Amish youth was ready to settle down. Until getting baptized, the Amish youth could travel, explore, and investigate different aspects of the non-Amish world. “Ain’t sure,” he finally admitted. “It’s not like I won’t be joining or I’m having a wild rumspringa traveling the world.”

  “Ja, I feel the same, I reckon,” she said. “Never understood why some want to travel and explore the world outside of our community.”

  A laugh escaped his lips. “Spoken from an Ohio girl living in Pennsylvania!” Even she had to smile at the irony. “I guess that I always wanted to see the ocean,” he confided. “Feel the water and see the horizon bleed into the heaven. The ends of earth touching God’s hand.”

  “That’s very poetic,” she said softly.

  “Imagine it might be,” he replied slowly. The conversation seemed to have hit a wall and silence fell upon them. The buggy rattled along the road, passing by the fields of growing crops along the way. Most of the fields looked to be planted with corn although he recognized some tobacco and wheat as well. He pulled back on the reins, slowing the horse down so that the ride would take a little longer. “You ever driven a buggy?”

  “Not since my own daed let me hold the reins as a little girl,” she said quickly.

  “Would you like to?”

  Her eyes lit up and she nodded emphatically. “Oh yes,” she gushed. Just as quickly as the words came, she looked away and added, “But you’d have to instruct me.”

  “Of course,” he said, sitting up straighter in the seat. Carefully, he held the leather reins for her to take from his hands. “You hold them like so,” he said. “Loose enough to give her slack but tight enough to keep control.”

  Rachel took the reins from him, holding them awkwardly in her hands. “Like this?”

  He frowned and reached over to correct how her fingers wrapped around the reins. He let his hands linger on to
p of hers and, to his surprise, she didn’t object to his touch. “More like this. Feel the difference?” He watched as she nodded but she did not take her eyes off of the road. “I think she can tell that I’m not driving anymore,” he said. “See how her ears are twitching backward? She’s listening for your command.”

  “Really?” Rachel asked. “What kind of command?”

  “Well, you could tell her to go faster, if you’d like.”

  “Oh no,” she said. “I much prefer this speed. I wouldn’t know how to stop her if she went faster.”

  Daniel laughed, his hands still resting gently atop hers. “That’s why I’m here, Rachel. To help you just in case you’d need it. I’d be able to slow the mare down. But you stick with what you are comfortable with, ja?”

  She glanced at him, just a quick peek, before she turned her eyes back to the road. “I’m comfortable.”

  They rode the rest of the way to the market in silence. He continued to keep his hands on top of hers and she continued to let him. There was a lot said in the silence and in his touch, words about where the relationship was headed, words that didn’t need to be spoken.