Pastures of Faith Page 19

  She took a deep breath and exhaled. “I never didn’t speak about it, neither. You sure knew that I was going to do it one day.”

  He rubbed at his eyes, frustrated with the way the conversation was going. How could he explain to her that she had choices? She could say no to her daed and stay on at the Lapp farm. “What if you waited another year?”

  Her shoulders lifted gently as she shrugged. “Why? If I’m going to do it anyway, might as well be sooner rather than later.” There was a sadness to her voice but she tried to mask it with a forced smile. “Besides, my daed needs my help in his new house.”

  “So that’s it then?”

  Rachel lifted her chin, putting on a brave front as she faced the inevitable. But it was her eyes that betrayed what she was really feeling. “My daed needs my help,” she repeated.

  Daniel wanted to say more but he knew that the discussion was over. There was clearly no budging on this issue, not from Rachel’s perspective. The decision had been made, even if she didn’t agree with it. Like a proper daughter, she would keep her true thoughts to herself, pack her bag, and get on that train next week. She’d leave Lancaster County and probably never return.

  “I don’t think I’ll go to the train station, Rachel,” he finally said, picking his words slowly and carefully. “I don’t like saying good-bye to people, especially when I don’t agree with them leaving.”

  “Daniel!”

  He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Rachel, you don’t want to go back. You know that. I know that. You seemed so happy here. You can tell your daed that and you can stay.”

  “Daniel Lapp!” she said with a firm voice. “You let go of my arm. We had this discussion and you know that I will not disrespect my daed.”

  “He won’t protect you,” Daniel whispered. “From whatever it is, he won’t because he didn’t.” She lifted her eyes to stare at him and, at once, he knew that he had struck a chord but not because it was news to her. Indeed, from her expression, he could see that she had already thought of this. Her happiness was a mask and she, too, was as broken up about her returning to Ohio as he was. “I will protect you. I promised you.”

  “Will you?” she asked, her voice sharp. “No one else did.”

  “I haven’t let you down yet, Rachel, have I?”

  She frowned and yanked her arm from his grasp. “It doesn’t matter now, Daniel. You know I have to honor my daed. If he wants me to return to Ohio for the baptism, what choice do I have?” She took the empty glass from his hand and turned on her heel, walking away with her head held high.

  Daniel watched her leave with a heavy heart. She was right. For an Amish woman to disobey her father would create problems among the people: both hers and his. God, husband, father. That was the order of things. She had no choice and, as he could see, was doing what she could to accept it. Now, he realized, it was time for him to accept it, too.

  Chapter Nineteen

  It was three days later when Daniel sat on the back of the wagon in the middle of the field. His daed leaned against the side, watching his son who was staring thoughtfully after Rachel as she retreated through the pasture toward the house. She was leaving soon. Her daed had told her to come home by the end of the month. Now, that day was fast approaching. Only five days away.

  Five days, Daniel thought. It bothered him that Rachel seemed to accept the decision to return to Ohio without any argument, although he knew that arguing would be futile. When he really thought about it, he supposed that it bothered him more that she would be leaving. Period.

  It didn’t seem fair, he argued with himself. If her daed had sent her to Lancaster County to heal, why would he make her return at the very time when the wound was closing up? He knew that the father had moved into the grossdaadihaus, something that Rachel had been dreading. With his older son and his family living in the larger house, there were plenty of people to take care of her daed. Why did her daed want Rachel to come back? Especially now that she was finally happy…happy at the Lapp farm and with the new life she had slowly started carving out for herself.

  Jonas took his straw hat off and, with the edge of his shirt, swiped at his forehead. “Sure is hot today.” He fanned himself with the hat as he looked around the field.

  Daniel nodded. “That it is.”

  “But it’s been a fair summer to us. The Lord has been kind in blessing us with enough sun and rain to grow right gut crops,” his daed said before taking another sip of the lemonade.

  “True,” Daniel replied, only half listening to his father. Instead, his eyes kept wandering toward the house where Rachel had disappeared.

  “Nice of Rachel to bring us some cool drinks,” Jonas added.

  “Ja,” Daniel agreed. He looked at the glass in his hand. Empty. In just one more week, she’d be gone and he knew that he’d feel just as empty as the glass.

  “She makes right gut lemonade,” his daed continued. “Just the right blend of lemons to sugar. Not too sweet…not too bitter.”

  Daniel sighed. “Right gut,” he repeated casually but it was clear that he wasn’t there. His mind was drifting. Drifting to the Lapp farm before Rachel, during Rachel, and soon to be without Rachel.

  “Come to think of it. That’s just how life should be? A careful blend.” His daed chuckled to himself. “Ja, she makes a right gut cup of lemonade. Surprising, that. Just goes to show that sometimes things ain’t what they seem,” his father stated.

  That caught his attention and Daniel frowned, pondering his father’s words. Not quite understanding, he looked up at the sun and squinted. “How so, Daed?”

  “Vell,” his father began, stepping away from the wagon. “Look at that pasture. Just a few months back, it was empty. Just soil and weeds. But with some hard work and loving attention, we had ourselves a right gut bounty of potatoes just a week or so past, ain’t so?” Then Jonas pointed across the pasture toward the farm buildings. “Take that there mule shed. On the outside, it doesn’t appear to be much more than an old rickety building that protects the mules from the sun, rain, and snow. But, when you get closer, you notice that door to the side.”

  “The apartment door?”

  Jonas nodded. “The one and same, ja. That door leads to a right nice apartment. You’d never notice it until you looked inside. Once you go through that door, you find a wunderbaar nice place that, with hard work and loving attention, will flourish just like our crops.”

  Daniel took a deep breath. He didn’t want to offend his father but he sure wasn’t getting the point. “I don’t see how potatoes and a door have much to do with Rachel bringing us lemonade, Daed.”

  “Think about it, son. Reckon that field and that apartment aren’t much different than people.” Jonas put his hand on his son’s shoulder and looked him in the eye for a long moment. “Wasn’t but a few months back that Rachel came to us like that building. But with hard work and loving attention, seems we’ve found that she has a secret door, too. Wonder that we won’t find out what’s inside.” Jonas took a deep breath, removing his hand from Daniel’s shoulder. He turned on his heel and, hooking his thumbs into his suspenders, he stared back down at the mule shed. With a deep sigh, Jonas shook his head. “Right shame that no one lives there anymore. Really is a nice little place.”

  The frown in Daniel’s forehead deepened and he looked at his father. “No one lived there since Shana…not since before she married Emanuel.”

  “I reckon you’re right, son. Been a long time.” Jonas put his hat back on his head. “With a little attention and love, that apartment would be right gut for a young man and his wife, wouldn’t you say?” He hesitated. “Just like with people, I suppose. Just needs some attention and love in order to reach their true godly potential.”

  “What are you saying, Daed?”

  Jonas shrugged his shoulders, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Mayhaps something, mayhaps nothing.” Then, without another word, he walked back to the front of the wagon to make certain the mules had enough
water during the break.

  Daniel watched his father disappear before turning his eyes back toward the house. He stared at it, his mouth feeling dry despite having just swallowed some cool lemonade. He could see Rachel stooping to pet one of the kittens, a fat orange one that liked to follow the children around when they played outside. When she stood up to leave, the kitten leapt after her, jumping between her legs. She seemed to laugh, although he couldn’t hear her from such a distance. But he could tell she was happy and having fun.

  He found himself smiling, despite his somber mood. Even thought she was told to return to Ohio, she had accepted that God would take care of her. She had the faith in Him to deliver her into the very place she needed to be. Her faith had never waivered, perhaps had even grown stronger, since she had arrived so many months ago. She knew that He would never desert her, unlike the people around her who had disappointed her over the past year.

  Returning to Ohio, he thought. The words seemed foreign to him. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she truly did leave. What would Linda do? How would Lillian cope with her growing family, especially with a new one coming in the winter? What if Daniel didn’t have that extra time he claimed to want in order to discover the truth? And then, in a moment of clarity, he looked up and stared at the sky. Faith. It was all about faith. Faith in God. Faith in people. Faith in himself. After all, what more, exactly, did he need to know? Why was he even hesitating?

  As the questions swirled through his mind, he felt a sudden shock of warmth. Rachel had the faith but, he realized, he was lacking it. After all, clearly he didn’t have the faith to believe that God’s hand played a strong role in all of this. Why would God bring her to the Lapp farm only to send her back to Ohio unless there was a message…a purpose. He only had to have the same type of faith that Rachel did.

  “Daed!” he shouted out.

  “Ja, son?” His father poked his head around the side of the wagon. “What is it?”

  “I need to go do something. Can you manage without me? I can find David and send him along if you need some help.”

  His father tried to hide his smile. But the twinkling in his blue eyes gave away that he knew exactly what Daniel was thinking. “All is well, Daniel. You go along and do what you must. I’ll be right fine just now.”

  Daniel didn’t wait to hear the rest of what his father had to say. Instead, he walked as fast as he could through the pasture. If he were younger, he would have run. But, in that moment of clarity that had shown him the path, a decision that weighed heavily on his heart, he knew that he was no longer a boy and truly a man. He knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do and, in making that decision, he had taken the final step toward manhood.

  Chapter Twenty

  Daniel waited for her to answer the door, holding his black Sunday hat in his hands. He twirled it nervously, spinning it from one hand to another. He glanced over his shoulder, feeling awkward in his Sunday best so long after the service. He should have changed hours ago but, given the importance of the conversation he wanted to have with Rachel, he felt it was best to be dressed in his Sunday clothes.

  She answered the door with a soft smile. “Daniel!”

  “Rachel, gut nocht!”

  “Have you come to say good-bye after all?” She opened the door wide, holding it open with her bare foot. She looked out of place in her work dress and bare legs when he was dressed so formally.

  “Mayhaps you’d like to walk for a spell, ja?” He glanced over her shoulder as his brother and sister-in-law who were pretending not to listen. “I have some things to say to you before you leave tomorrow,” he said, lowering his voice so that the others couldn’t hear.

  She didn’t respond with words but reached behind the door to pull her shawl off a hook, just in case the evening air was chilly. She draped it over her arm as she hurried out the door. Side-by-side, they walked down the lane toward the carpentry shop. For the first few moments, neither spoke. Daniel seemed to be deep in thought and Rachel wasn’t about to interrupt that. So she looked around at the setting sun and listened to the birds sing their evening song.

  “Sure is pretty here,” she sighed.

  “You didn’t like it so much when you first came, ain’t so?”

  She laughed. “Well, I wasn’t too happy about being shipped out to stay with some family that I had never met!”

  “That changed soon enough, ja?”

  For a moment, she didn’t answer. She had bonded with Lillian easily enough in the beginning. But she hadn’t started enjoying herself until her friendship began with Daniel. It was Daniel that had bought joy and happiness back into her life. She wasn’t certain how to say that without sounding too forward, something she certainly didn’t want Daniel to accuse her of once again. So, she merely smiled, fighting back the emotion that seemed stuck in her throat, and said, “Ja, reckon it did.”

  They stood at the edge of the dirt lane and stared at the carpentry shop. It was quiet and empty, the shop waiting for the morning hours to bring workers and life. Daniel took a deep breath and looked from the carpentry shop to the fields. “Can’t imagine not being a farmer,” Daniel said.

  “Why’s that?”

  Daniel glanced at her and shrugged, touching her arm gently to lead her back down the lane and toward the house. “My brother, Junior, has always liked building things. Seems like Samuel will follow in his steps. Says he doesn’t like dairy farming and we both know how much he likes field work.”

  Rachel was polite enough to not comment.

  “Daed’s not certain about David, yet. He might stick with the fields and dairy. But he’s so tightknit with Samuel that I wouldn’t be surprised if he followed Samuel and started working at the carpentry shop.” He breathed in the air as they walked while the words that he had just spoken stuck in his head. With David and Samuel, it would only be him and his father left to tend to the large farm. They’d have to hire help for plowing, planting, and harvesting.

  He sighed. “Farming is in my blood, however. I love the land, the seasons, the animals. I feel close to God when I’m working the fields.”

  Rachel nodded, the hint of a smile gracing her lips and her eyes misting over as she followed his gaze to the fields. “That’s how I feel when I’m working in the garden. I love the feel of the soil on my hands. I love watching seedlings grow into tall tomato plants. I sometimes pray to God when I’m out there, thanking him for the food that He allows us to grow to feed our families.”

  Daniel smiled at her. “I know.”

  “You know what?”

  “The praying,” he said, his eyes sparkling at her. For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed between them, as though that dreadful letter from Ohio had never arrived, especially when Daniel nudged her gently with his arm. “I’ve seen you praying in the garden.”

  “Oh!” she said, the color flooding to her cheeks.

  “You were beautiful…like an angel.” He hesitated. “Like now.”

  She didn’t respond and averted her eyes. They were standing by the corner of the barn. The cows were making their evening noises from the fields and a few birds sang their evening song from a nearby tree.

  Daniel cleared his throat. “I said that I wanted to talk to you, Rachel, before you left.”

  She looked up at him. “What is it, Daniel?”

  He stood straight and his expression was solemn. It was clear that what he had to say was very important. “I thought you should know that I spoke to the Bishop yesterday after service,” Daniel said. “I’m taking the kneeling vow this fall.”

  “Oh,” she said quietly.

  “I had taken my instructional last year but didn’t take the baptism, you know.”

  Rachel raised an eyebrow. “I hadn’t known that you intended to take it this fall, Daniel.”

  “Vell, I’ll be twenty-two in January, you know,” he said. “No use in putting off what I intend to do anyway, right? Isn’t that what you said?”

  She didn’t
respond.

  “I want to show you something, Rachel. Something that…ach vell…may change your mind about leaving tomorrow.” He put his hand on her arm, ever so gently, and led her past the barn and toward the mule shed. She questioned him with her eyes but did not speak as he guided her over to a door that she had never noticed before. “Close your eyes,” he commanded.

  “Daniel, what is this?” she asked. But she obliged him by closing her eyes. She could hear the door open, the hinge squeaking loudly. She felt him help her step over the threshold as he helped her inside the building. It smelled of fresh paint and the air was cool.

  “Now open,” he whispered, his breath brushing against her ear.

  When she opened her eyes, she found herself standing in the middle of a large kitchen. There was a stove, sink, and small propane powered refrigerator in the far left corner of the room and a square oak table against the wall by the front door. A long sofa was pushed against the wall on the right. Next to it was a padded rocking chair and coffee table. The walls were bright white, having been freshly painted. There was a crisp, clean smell to the room, despite the fact that it was clearly unlived in.