Pastures of Faith Read online

  She didn’t reply but smiled at him, a faint blush covering her cheeks. For now, the conversation was over and he reopened the Bible, continuing to read from the passage while Lillian bent over her sewing. The quiet of the evening engulfed them, his voice the only sound that broke the silence.

  Chapter Two

  When the car pulled into the driveway, Lillian looked out the window to see who had arrived. She knew who was there before she looked but her action was a habit. Whenever she would hear a car engine, Lillian would peer outside. After all, it was very uncommon for a car to visit the Lapp farm, especially since her sister-in-law and her Englischer husband had decided to join the church in the fall. Jake had sold his truck and had to use typical Amish transportation: a horse and buggy. Since he had sold the truck, not one car had pulled into the driveway besides the milk truck for the dairy goods. But, today, Lillian knew who was in the car parking in the driveway by the dairy barn. Rachel had finally arrived.

  Lillian watched as the driver opened the trunk and pulled out two small suitcases. He set them on the ground before opening the passenger door. A young woman, dressed in typical Amish garb, emerged and picked up the two suitcases, smiling her appreciation at the driver before she started walking slowly toward the house. Each step seemed forced and slow as though she was purposefully dragging out the journey.

  From the window, Lillian could see the young woman looking around, assessing her new surroundings. Rachel looked at the house, the barn, the stables, and the fields. She paused when she looked at the lane that led past the garden and windmill toward the road. From the expression on Rachel’s face, Lillian couldn’t tell if she was pleased or disappointed. There was something stoic about this young woman. She walked with a straight back and open gaze, her eyes roving across the hill behind the farm and over the pastures near the barn. As Rachel walked to the front door, she seemed to take a deep breath as if bracing herself for what she was about to encounter.

  Drying her hands on a hand towel, Lillian hurried away from the window and into the washroom that was off to the side of the kitchen. She opened the door and greeted her husband’s distant cousin with a smile. “Gut martiye, Rachel!” she said as cheerfully as she could. “Willkumm to our home.”

  The woman who stood before her met her gaze with a somber nod and forced smile. As soon as the smile crossed her face, it disappeared. She was not a tall girl but she was willowy, thin at the waist but strong looking. A few wisps of curly brown hair dangled from beneath her plain shaped prayer kapp, framing her face in a dreamy yet innocent way. She was certainly a pretty girl with large brown doe-like eyes and full, pouted lips.

  “Danke,” she said, her voice soft and barely audible. Without waiting for further invitation, Rachel carried her two bags into the house and followed Lillian into the kitchen. “Never been to Lancaster before,” she said.

  Lillian laughed lightly. “Oh, I’m sure Pennsylvania isn’t much different than Ohio, ja? Maybe some different ways, to be sure. But nothing so drastic that you won’t get used to it.”

  Rachel did not reply. Instead, she looked around the kitchen, taking in everything about her new, if not temporary, home. The kitchen was light and airy with a large trestle table near the stove. A kerosene lantern hung over the table, just low enough to illuminate the table during dark winter evenings. The cabinets were a light oak and shone from being waxed by years of loving hands. Since the kitchen was so large, there was also a sitting area against the back wall. The staircase to the second floor was to the left of the entrance. It was clean and comfortable but, for Rachel, it clearly was not home.

  “If you’d like to get settled in, your bedroom is at the top of the stairs to the left. It’s the smaller room but I hope you don’t mind. I have the two little ones in the other room and my bigger two in the back bedroom. Linda, the oldest one, is at school right now but quite anxious to meet you. The other ones are with their grossmudder, visiting our sister, Sylvia who just had her first baby a few weeks ago. She lives just a few farms over,” Lillian said, maintaining a cheerful conversational tone.

  She didn’t want to mention that Junior had pondered if it wouldn’t be better to get to know this new family member before introducing the distractions of the little ones. But, from what Lillian could see, she seemed to be a regular young woman, not outward signs of problems or troubles. That made the girl’s appearance on their doorstep even more troubling.

  Rachel seemed to be taking in her new surroundings. The expression on her face was unreadable. Was she happy? Was she scared? Lillian couldn’t tell. There was a vacant look in the girl’s eyes, one that spoke of sorrow and mistrust.

  Despite standing before Lillian, Rachel gave the appearance that she was somewhere else. Lillian could understand that. After all, Lillian had never traveled from her own home until the day she was married. And, immediately, she had moved into the grossdaadihaus that was attached to Katie and Jonas’ house. Lillian took comfort in knowing that she would always live on this farm with her husband’s family, even if living arrangements shifted when her family grew and Katie’s shrank.

  Lillian couldn’t imagine what it was like to be sent away from her family. Certainly something terrible must have happened but the letter had not mentioned anything other than Rachel needed a change after the passing of her mother. If Rachel had been challenging the church or courting danger in her own rumspringa, Lillian was certain that Harvey would have mentioned that.

  “We’ll be having dinner soon so, you might as well get settled in. I sure could use the help in the kitchen,” Lillian finally said.

  Rachel merely nodded and hurried up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, she entered the bedroom that Lillian had indicated would be hers and she dropped her two suitcases in the middle of the room. It only took her a second to look around and assess what was to be her new bedroom. Her sanctuary.

  The bed was a double and had a worn homemade quilt on it. The pattern was typical, log cabin, made in white, blue, and browns. It was simple but pretty, certainly no better or worse that what she was used to. However, the room was small and cold to Rachel. It lacked the warmth and familiarity of her mother’s house with shiny-waxed floors and blue shades pulled halfway down the windows. The Lapp farmhouse was older than the house where she had grown up and the land was full of waving hills, unlike the flat landscape of Ohio.

  Rachel sank onto the soft bed and took a deep breath. She missed the comfort of her parents’ home, the comfort of the smells and sounds that had been a part of her life since she was born. Now, she was far away from the familiar and living among strangers, even though she was told that they were distant cousins. With as many cousins as her father had, these people might as well have been complete strangers. She had never heard of the Lapp family when she had been growing up in Ohio. In fact, she wasn’t even certain how they were related. But she was here now and had promised herself that she would make the best of it.

  She heard a soft knock at the door. Rachel quickly stood up and reached out for the doorknob. Hesitating only for a moment, she opened the door to find Lillian standing there with a tall plastic cup of what looked like iced tea. “I thought you might like a nice, cool drink after your journey,” she said softly, her eyes sparklingly with hope for a friendship between them. “It certainly must have taken a long time, ja?”

  “Two days, ja,” Rachel replied, gladly accepting the refreshment.

  Lillian leaned against the doorframe, glancing around the room. “I sure do apologize for how small the room is, Rachel. But with four children needing space, I figured privacy was more important for you than a large room.”

  “Danke,” Rachel replied.

  There was a moment of silence between them. Lillian watched as Rachel looked everywhere except in her direction. The young girl was deliberately avoiding her gaze. But Lillian didn’t know why. Taking a chance, Lillian reached out and touched Rachel’s arm, waiting until their eyes met. “Whatever happened in Ohio, Rachel, p
lease know that we are more than happy to welcome you to our family. I hope you soon take comfort in the warmth of our home and consider us as your own.”

  Rachel could not reply. There were no words to express what she was feeling. Abandoned? Alone? Confused? Perhaps she simply felt a mixture of all of them but they were all new emotions for her. There were too many questions in her mind and in her heart. Yet, as she looked at this distant cousin of hers, Rachel could only have faith that God would protect her and lead her down the path that He had chosen for her. It wasn’t up to the people to question His plan…merely to follow it.

  “Danke,” she finally managed to whisper.

  “Ach vell,” Lillian said at last. “I shall leave you to your unpacking. Perhaps when you are finished, you could come down to help me in the kitchen, ja?”

  Unpacking her belongings did not take a long time. She had brought all of her clothing with her, a total of four everyday dresses and one Sunday dress. In her other suitcase, she had bought her Bible and winter garments, for she had been told to plan on staying in Lancaster County throughout the winter. She hung her garments on the hooks that protruded from the wall. There were no closets in a typical Amish household. Instead, the few dresses simply hung from plain hangers on single hooks. As far as the narrow, freestanding dresser, she put her undergarments in the first two drawers with the other drawers remaining empty. She had no use for so many empty drawers.

  After unpacking her few items, she gave the room one more glance before opening the door and heading back downstairs. When she walked into the kitchen, Lillian was standing at the kitchen counter, kneading a ball of dough, her hands covered in flour. The kitchen was warm and Rachel could smell something baking in the oven. Chicken, she thought. The midday meal. She wondered how many people would file into the kitchen to share the meal. She dreaded the looks and unspoken questions from people. How could she explain something that she, herself, didn’t comprehend?

  “Rachel, the dishes are in this cabinet here if you wouldn’t mind setting the table for six,” Lillian said as she gestured to the cabinet closest to the wall.

  Without a word, Rachel set to the task at hand. She didn’t mind helping in the kitchen. In fact, it was the one place she felt most comfortable. She had always enjoyed cooking alongside her own mamm. Indeed, she enjoyed most anything when she worked with her mamm. She felt her throat tighten at the thought of her mother and she had to quickly push any images out of her mind before the tears began. It wouldn’t do to cry in front of these strangers, she thought. They didn’t know anything about her mamm and they certainly didn’t know her.

  The table had barely been set when the stomping of heavy feet could be heard outside the side door. Rachel seemed to shrink into the corner, busying herself with drying some dishes that Lillian had asked her to wash while they waited for the men to come inside from their chores. The noise from the washroom became louder and was accompanied by the voices of the men. They were speaking to each other and one of them laughed. Rachel watched the doorway, apprehensive about meeting more of the Lapp family. She was certain that the introductions would go on for days, especially if the family was as large as her own back in Ohio.

  Junior and Daniel walked into the kitchen, followed by Katie’s two younger sons, David and Samuel. Their boots were dusty from having worked in the fields and their clothing was soiled from a hard morning of labor. It was easy to tell which man was Lillian’s husband as Junior wore the customary mustache-less beard of a married Amish man. Rachel watched as he greeted his wife with a nod, a smile on his face and sparkle in his eye. It was easy to tell that they were a happy couple, especially by the way that Lillian’s face lit up upon seeing him.

  The two younger boys were quiet and followed their older brothers. She guessed them to be somewhere around the age of seventeen and fifteen. They were short and stocky, like their brothers. The youngest one seemed especially lively with sparkling eyes and a quick grin on his face when he saw her. Neither of them spoke as they came into the room. Instead, they quickly sat down at the table, eager to replenish their energy before the afternoon chores.

  But it was Daniel that intrigued Rachel.

  Clearly he was the older of the three single brothers, a bit smaller in statute than Lillian’s husband and with thick, curly brown hair that hung over his blue eyes and ears. Unlike the younger two boys, he was more muscular in build. He wore black trousers and a short-sleeved burgundy shirt. And cowboy boots. Old, faded cowboy boots. She noticed them right away and realized that she couldn’t remember ever having seen an Amish man wearing cowboy boots. Clearly he hadn’t taken the kneeling vow yet since no respectable Amish district would permit a baptized member to wear such worldly boots.

  She also couldn’t help thinking that he was a handsome young man. When he walked into the room, he paused in the doorway, his eyes meeting Rachel’s for the briefest of moments. For a second, she thought that he was going to extend a warm word of welcome and she had started to smile in anticipation of meeting him. But, just as quickly, he looked away and barely gave her more than a polite nod before he moved to the table to eat his dinner. She felt the color flush to her cheeks and she quickly averted her eyes.

  “Rachel has arrived, Junior,” Lillian said by way of introduction.

  “I see that,” her husband said, gracing the young woman with a genuine smile. “Willkumm to our home and community.”

  “Danke,” Rachel said softly.

  “I trust your trip was pleasant,” Junior asked as he joined his brothers at the table. “You must tell us about the family back in Ohio. I met your daed only once when he came back for his own daed’s passing.”

  The mention of Ohio gave her a wave of nostalgia. She wondered when she would see her friends and family again. The threat of tears crept to her eyes and she blinked rapidly, forcing them away. “They are well, I suppose. As well as can be expected…” She let the rest of the sentence trail away and her thoughts lingered on her mamm once again. She didn’t know what her own father had told them and, rather than presume that they knew anything, she thought it best to say nothing.

  Lillian sensed the turmoil of emotions in the young woman and quickly changed the subject as she began placing the plates of chicken and mashed potatoes on the table for the men to begin eating. “Surely there is enough time for visiting later, ja? In the meantime, I thought that Rachel could help me with the washing this afternoon and, perhaps, with the evening milking today? Later this week, I will take her to meet Sylvia and Jake before the Sunday service at the Hostetlers. I’m due to visit Sylvia and her new baby.”

  The men began dishing the food onto their plates and Rachel moved toward the table, selecting a seat opposite Daniel and next to Lillian. She wasn’t hungry and hated feeling so uncomfortable. She was used to her own surroundings and her own people. Being among strangers was a new experience for her and she quickly determined that she didn’t like it. She certainly didn’t want to start meeting more people. She’d much prefer that she could return home to the quiet of her father’s farm and the safety of her mother’s kitchen.

  Junior waited until everyone was seated and the silent prayer spoken over the meal before he responded to Lillian's statement. "Sure will be right gut to have the extra help with the milking," he said as he started eating the food "Brother Steve and sister Sylvia both married last year, Rachel. The loss of two pairs of hands has created much more work for all of us." David and Samuel grunted in response, clearly having received the brunt of the extra workload.

  She didn't respond. Instead, she merely stared at the empty plate before her.

  Junior glanced up, his eyes meeting his wife's. She shrugged, returning her attention to her dinner. The afternoon was going to be filled with washing clothes, watching children, and redding the house. If Rachel wasn't hungry, so be it. Lillian knew better than to skip a meal. There would be no more food until suppertime and that wasn’t until the early evening.

  "Where's Daed?"
Lillian finally asked, breaking the silence. With Katie over at Sylvia's, Lillian had expected her father-in-law to join his sons for the noon meal.

  This time, it was Daniel who spoke up. "Over at Jake and Sylvia's with Mamm. Something about needing to help him with his crop planning."

  Junior chuckled and even Lillian smiled. Jake had only moved to Lancaster over a year ago. In that time, he had accomplished a lot more than achieving his dream of returning to his farming roots. He had married their sister, Sylvia, made the decision to join the Amish faith and just recently had their first baby. But the learning curve was great and he relied heavily on his father-in-law for more than just parental advice. Jake seemed to enjoy trying new things on his farm and often needed farming advice from Jonas.

  The family often enjoyed a good laugh over the stories of what Jake was doing...from trying to plant too many different crops at the wrong time of the year to over plowing the fields instead of using field rotation planning. He was always good-natured about their teasing. In fact, he was often the first person to laugh at himself, a fact that made Jake a favorite among the family members and even the community.

  "Let me guess...hay and corn?” Junior laughed.