Pastures of Faith Read online

  She recognized the man who emerged from the darkness as Daniel. He was dressed in dirty brown pants and a white short-sleeved shirt. Unlike most Amish men, he was not wearing suspenders. And, when she glanced down at his feet, she noticed that he was wearing those cowboy boots again. Despite his unique style of dress, it was clear that he wasn’t a true rebel. Instead, she figured, he was most likely just expressing his individualism before it was time to take the kneeling vow and conform to the Amish way of life.

  When he glanced at her, she lowered her eyes. “Gut martiye,” she said softly.

  “Gut martiye,” he replied. His voice was low and deep but soft. Unlike his two younger brothers, David and Samuel, Rachel could sense a gentle side to this brother. “Brother Junior says you’re to help in the fields, ja?”

  “So I’m told,” she said emotionlessly.

  Lillian walked into the room, carrying young Abram. “Willkumm, Daniel. Would you care for a hot coffee?” She set her youngest son down on the floor. Immediately, the toddler was back on his feet and wandering around the room.

  Daniel shook his head. “Danke but Daed wants to get started. The cows broke through the back fence yesterday. Can’t have them wandering in the wheat field.” He looked at Rachel. “You ready?”

  Rachel was quiet as she followed him out of the house and toward the barn. Jonas was already hitching a mule up to a simple wagon. Not knowing what to do or how to help, she hung behind and waited for instructions. When she saw that Daniel was carrying wire from the barn to the back of the wagon, she stepped aside in order to stay out of his way. Within fifteen minutes, the wagon was loaded and Jonas gestured for Daniel and Rachel to climb onto the back.

  “Need help?” Daniel asked, holding out his hand to assist her in getting into the back of the wagon.

  For a moment, she looked at his hand. He had meant the question in genuine kindness but she remembered the previous evening with the cow and his brothers laughing at her. She didn’t want to appear weak and incapable. So she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “Danke but I can do it,” she said and, ignoring his hand, she jumped up to sit in the back of the wagon.

  Daniel shrugged and followed, sitting up close to his father so they could talk. Rachel took advantage of being alone to look around the farm. Everything seemed neat and orderly but it was clear that there was a lot of work to do with few hands to help. The barn needed a fresh coat of paint as did one of the out buildings. But the barnyard was tidy and the fields well groomed. No patches of weeds or tall grass lingered along the fence line.

  She heard the familiar clip-clop of a passing horse and buggy in the distance. As it became closer, she turned her attention toward the noise. It was just beyond a small hill and, as the wagon turned in that direction, she quickly saw that, indeed, there was a road on the other side. Her pulse quickened and she felt herself become tense. She hated roads and hated cars even more. Cars meant Englischers and Englischers meant strangers.

  “Rachel?”

  She turned in the direction of the voice. It was Daniel. He stood on the ground, next to the wagon. She had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t realized that the wagon had stopped. Indeed, she was clutching the side of the wagon, staring at the road. “This is the fence?” she asked, her voice barely audible as her throat constricted.

  He shook his head. “No but there’s a wire down here. Daed wants us to fix it while he heads toward the back of the property.”

  “I could go with your daed,” she said.

  Daniel frowned. “Sure would be hard to tighten that wire without your help, Rachel,” he said as he reached into the back of the wagon for his tools and the fresh wire to stretch between the two posts. Reluctantly, Rachel climbed down from the wagon, knowing that he’d need her help to stretch the wire tight enough between the two posts where it had broken.

  The field was above the road with a small incline separating the two. Rachel tried to ignore the road but when a car came over the hill and passed them, she cringed and quickly moved away, standing far away from the road, the fence, and Daniel. He was working at the fence post, pulling the wire around the one side and getting ready to tightened the end of it. But when he looked around for Rachel to help, she was a good twenty feet away.

  “Rachel,” he said. “I need your help here.” He returned his attention to the fencing. But she was frozen and didn’t move. When he realized that she hadn’t come forward to assist him, he looked over his shoulder again. “Rachel? What’s wrong?”

  She knew that she should move forward but she couldn’t. It was the car racing over the hill. She remembered too much from the day her mother died. She knew that the color had drained from her face. Her hands shook and she looked away from him. “I can’t, Daniel.”

  “You can’t what?” He set down his tools. “You feeling poorly?”

  She shook her head, fighting the tears that threatened to spill onto her cheeks. “I just can’t help you!” She turned and ran as fast as she could away from Daniel, from the fence, and from the road. She didn’t care what he thought. All she knew was that the pain was too fresh and raw. She simply had to get away from it. Distance, she thought. Distance is what I need. The only problem was that she didn’t know where she was running.

  Looking around, she saw the farmhouse below the field. A small stream ran through the paddock. Not caring that she was barefoot, she hurried across the stream and through the muddy cow paddock. She had to get back to the safety of the house, she thought. The house would make her feel better.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  She turned around as she was passing through the cow paddock. Young Samuel was in the shadows of the barn, his hat tilted on his head and a lunch pail in his hand. “You should be at the carpentry shop, ain’t so?” she asked, trying hard to keep her composure.

  “You should be helping my daed in the field, ain’t so?” he replied, his tone fresh and short. “You running the wrong way!” He looked at her for a moment and, when he saw her tear-streaked cheeks, Samuel grinned. “You crying? Over working in the fields?”

  “Leave me alone, Samuel.”

  He laughed, slapping his knee with his hand. “First you got kicked by a cow. Now you’re crying! What’s wrong with you Ohio Amish?”

  Rachel tried to get away from him, spinning on her heels to head toward the house but she felt a strong hand on her arm. For a moment, she panicked and whirled back around. To her surprise, it was Daniel. He stared at her for a long moment and she knew that he saw the tears that lingered in the corner of her eyes. She hadn’t wanted him to see her this way…hadn’t wanted anyone to see her this way.

  “I don’t know what’s going on here,” he said slowly. He didn’t release her arm but he turned his gaze onto his little brother. “But it sure seems to me that someone owes Rachel a big apology.”

  “What for?” Samuel shot back. “She’s the one bawling over working the fields!”

  “You’re not being kind. In fact, I’d say you were downright mean, Samuel Lapp. And if I don’t hear an apology out of your mouth, I’m going to be walking across this paddock toward the house and have a word or two with Mamm. She won’t take kindly to you behaving so poorly to Rachel here.”

  Rachel relaxed a little and moved her body just slightly so that Daniel was positioned between her and Samuel. She had never met anyone like this Samuel and she knew immediately that she would have a hard time praying for him and even hard time liking him.

  “Aw, you go right ahead,” Samuel said, waving his hand at Daniel in a dismissive manner. “Ain’t gonna do much. Too old for a switch. Besides,” he continued with an insolent toss of his head. “Didn’t do nothing but speak the truth.” He didn’t wait for a response but hurried down the lane toward the carpentry shop.

  Daniel and Rachel watched him go, both stuck in their own world of thought. When he finally disappeared around an out building, Daniel turned to Rachel. “I’m sorry for my brother’s behavior. That was jus
t downright mean.”

  She shrugged, uncertain what to say. She knew she couldn’t say that it hadn’t bothered her for that would be a lie. So, rather than say anything at all, she averted her eyes.

  “Rachel, I know this place is all strange and new and must sure be uncomfortable for you. But it sure would help me if I knew what happened out there. Why’d you go running off like that?” he asked.

  She straightened her back and stared away from him. How could she tell him what had happened? She hadn’t talked about it with anyone and he was a complete stranger. Clearly her father hasn’t told his cousin’s family about what had happened. For a moment, she was angry that her father had put that burden on her. But, just as quickly, she said a silent prayer to God, knowing that if she had enough faith in Him, He would guide her through this, too.

  “I’m sorry, Daniel. I didn’t mean to run off. I’m feeling poorly, just like you said. All the travel and the new surroundings…well, I must just be tuckered out.” She looked up at him. It wasn’t really a lie, for lying was truly a sin. She was feeling poorly and she was tuckered out. Rachel hoped that God forgave half-truths. “I think I just need to go inside for the rest of the morning. I’m terribly sorry.”

  She didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, she quickly hurried back to the house and into the kitchen. She’d have to explain why she was there to Lillian but she knew that she’d have little trouble convincing her that she was just exhausted from the travel and the drastic change. She didn’t notice Daniel standing by the barn, watching her as she disappeared, his straw hat in his hand and a look of concern casting a shadow over his face.

  Chapter Four

  It didn’t take long for the Lapp family to figure out that Rachel was better suited for indoor work. Whenever she was asked to work outside in the field or barn, she seemed tense and nervous, her words short and clipped. There was a stress about her that made others uneasy. But, when she was sent back inside, she seemed much more relax and at ease, willing to help Lillian with any chores or watching the children. Once inside the confines of four walls, there was a hint of cheerfulness about her. Clearly, she preferred housework to barn work.

  “I tried to find out what was wrong with her, Mamm,” Daniel said one day after the evening meal. David and Samuel had driven a buggy over to the Smucker’s to catch up with one of their friends. Daniel was relieved to have a few rare minutes alone with his mother.

  “Nothing is wrong with her, Daniel,” her mother said. She was sitting at the table, the Bible open before her. She liked to read verses at night before she retired.

  He frowned. “I just keep thinking about how she looked so scared and ran away. It was as if she was frightened of the cars.”

  Katie placed a red ribbon in the Bible to hold her place then gently shut it. She was tired. Spring was always a tiring time around the farm. There was so much work to do with cooking and gardening as well as spring-cleaning. “Mayhaps she was, Daniel. We don’t know what happened in Ohio. Daed only heard that her mother died in circumstances that weren’t pleasant.” She smiled at her son. “And it’s not our place to look for answers to questions that she clearly doesn’t want asked, ja?”

  Daniel returned her weary smile. “Ja.”

  His mother stood up and carried the Bible over to the shelf where it laid when not being used. “Understanding, Daniel. That’s all we can do.”

  “And faith,” he added.

  “Ah yes,” Katie replied, pleased with her son’s words. “With faith in the Lord, all things are possible. He will take care of His lost lamb, Rachel. You’ll see.”

  Despite his concern and curiosity, Daniel was thankful that he lived next door with his parents and that Rachel was staying with his brother. After all, Daniel had never been one to mingle with the maedels, even at singings. Most of his experiences with women were strictly limited to dealing with his sisters and their friends. Even growing up, he had kept to himself as much as possible.

  He was relieved that Rachel didn’t help with the outdoor chores. It wasn’t hard to notice that she didn’t get along very well with his younger brothers, especially Samuel. On the few occasions that Daniel had been around the two of them after the fencing incident, Samuel seemed to sense her discomfort and delighted in teasing her, often to the point of causing tears to fall down her cheeks. At least twice, Daniel had to interfere and chase Samuel away. But the boy continued to seek out Rachel to continue the torment. Daniel knew that his daed would catch wind of it soon and he wasn’t quite certain how the situation would be handled.

  Unfortunately, Daniel also noticed that the result of Samuel’s poor behavior was that Rachel had become more tense and cold, putting a solid barrier between herself and any of the Lapp brothers, including Daniel. In fact, she had become almost downright disagreeable. So, Daniel had taken his cue and merely retreated into himself, avoiding her as much as he could when he realized that she was lumping him with David and Samuel. He tried to convince himself that he was upset to be categorized by his carefree and not always well behaved brothers, especially since he had stood up for her once already.

  Besides, he reasoned, this strange girl was Junior’s ward, not his parents and certainly not his. Cousin or not, no matter how distant, Daniel took the hint and avoided interacting with her, something he quickly practiced with remarkable perfection. In fact, he was glad that she was not recruited to help with the barn chores or fieldwork. After all, Daniel enjoyed the quiet of the morning milking, alongside his daed, Junior, and his younger brothers. Even though it took a long time, Daniel didn’t mind. He’d rather be in the barn with the cows and fields with the crops than anywhere else on earth.

  His father, however, seemed to click his tongue and shake his head when he saw Rachel in the morning, hurrying from the house to the barn to collect some milk for the morning meal.

  “Just don’t understand that one,” Jonas would mumble under his breath, a tug at his long, grey beard as he watched her. The wrinkles under his eyes seemed deeper and more defined these days and his hairline was receding under his worn out straw hat.

  “What’s that, Daed?” Daniel asked, noticing how old his father looked, something that hadn’t seemed so apparent in the past.

  Jonas took a deep breath and shook his head. “We need her help out here, not in the house. Lillian can handle the house just fine but we are short Sylvia and Steve.” It had been difficult to lose the help of two siblings in one year, especially since Sylvia had always been drawn to the fieldwork, unlike David and Samuel.

  “Mayhaps Samuel and David could help more,” Daniel offered but his father frowned at that suggestion.

  “Ja but Samuel wants to apprentice with Junior and David is torn between farm work and carpentry. Not certain what to do but, starting to look like we won’t have no choice, son,” Jonas said, shaking his head as he looked over at Rachel, struggling to carry a full bucket of milk to the house. “Seems she puts her own needs before others. Something needs to give on this one,” he said.

  But, the arrangement remained the same and Rachel didn’t venture into the barn for the morning or evening milking chores.

  During the day, Junior would leave the farm chores to attend to his work at his carpentry shop, a large barn-like structure built on the back acreage of Daed’s farm. Junior and several other young Amish men made storage sheds and sold them to a dealer outside of Intercourse, Pennsylvania. It was a good alternative for men that needed to live off the land but lacked fields of their own to farm. Their storage sheds traveled across the country, gracing the backyards of homes and businesses alike in every state, except Hawaii and Alaska. It was a running joke in the family that only Hawaiians and Eskimos didn’t like Junior’s sheds.

  While Junior worked at the shop, it was left to Daed, Daniel, and the two boys to work the fields, repair fencing, or tend to any of the other endless tasks that happened around the farm. Daed was getting up there in age and, with their youngest brother not being too keen on fi
eldwork and splitting his days between the fields in the mornings and carpentry store in the afternoons, the majority of the responsibility fell mostly on Daniel and David.

  The fields had already been plowed for spring planting but there was always more work to do. Even with the four men working the farm, there was very little talking and a whole lot of silence during those hours and days. Daniel enjoyed the work and would rather be outdoors, even in the rain, than working in the carpentry shop with his brother. Land might be shrinking in availability but Daniel was glad that he was allowed to farm alongside his father.

  However, without brother Steve and sister Sylvia to help, the days dragged on with extra work for the Lapp men. With his father getting up there in age, it seemed that he moved a bit slower which put more of the burden on Daniel. At night, he would collapse in bed, often before the sun finished setting in the sky. Knowing that there was an able body next door, one that could have helped--but refused--didn’t sit well with Daniel, his father or his brothers.